Understanding Engineers - Take One:

Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, Minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

Understanding Engineers - Take Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Understanding Engineers - Take Three

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a Particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with those blokes? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept Golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with Him."
He said, "Hello, George! What's wrong with that group ahead of us?
They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters.
They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

Understanding Engineers - Take Four

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets

Understanding Engineers - Take Five

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The
Graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The
Graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The
Graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Understanding Engineers - Take Six

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last
one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Understanding Engineers - Take Seven

Normal people believe that if it isn't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it isn't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

So for an update I am now 18. *waits for applause* I gots some new swim shorts, a 2million power candle power spotlight, some more martial arts equipment, an awesome new climbing rope a bunch of awesome gift cards from a bunch of awesome friends, ummmmmmm, oh ya some pickles new clothes from my dearest sister. and thats all I can remember right now. I know I forgot stuff so don't chop my head off, I appreciate everything you guys have given me in our friendships. thank  you.

Ummm, I almost broke my arm climbing, some guy broke into my car and stole all my piano tuning equipment so I am now out of business.  And I am counting the weeks to the end of the semester and the end of high school. I won't miss it I promise you.

 LOT'S WIFE
>
> The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back
>and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason interrupted, "My Mummy
>looked back once, while she was driving," he announced triumphantly, "and
>she turned into a telephone pole!"
>

GOOD SAMARITAN
>
> A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good
>Samaritan, in which a man was beaten, robbed and left for dead She
>described the situation in vivid detail so her students would catch the
>drama. Then, she asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the
>roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?" A thoughtful
>little girl broke the hushed silence, "I think I'd throw up."
>
> DID NOAH FISH?
>
> A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot
>of fishing when he was on the Ark?"

> "No," replied David. "How could he, with just two worms?"
>
> HIGHER POWER
>
> A Sunday school teacher said to her children, " We have been
>learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a
>higher power. Can anybody tell me what it is?" One child blurted out,
>"Aces!"

MOSES &THE RED SEA
>
> Nine-year-old Joey, was asked by his mother what he had learned in
>Sunday school. "Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind
>enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When
>he got to the Red Sea, he had his army build a pontoon bridge and all the
>people walked across safely. Then, he radioed headquarters for
>reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the
>Israelites were saved." "Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher
>taught you?" his mother asked. "Well, no, Mom. But, if I told it the way
>the teacher did, you'd never
> believe it!"

THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD
>
> A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one
>of the most quoted passages in the Bible; Psalm 23. She gave the youngsters
>a month to learn the verse. Little Rick was excited about the task -- but,
>he just couldn't remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely
>get past the first line. On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite
>Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Ricky was so nervous.
> When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said
>proudly, "The Lord is my Shepherd, and that's all I need to know."
>
> Church Smiles

Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the
>lesson was about. The daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your
>quilt." Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed. Later in the day, the
>pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday
>school lesson was about. He said "Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming."
>
> Give me a sense of humor, Lord,
> Give me the grace to see a joke,
> To get some humor out of life,
> And pass it on to other folk!
>

HOLA! Ok so thats pretty much the extent of my spanish, so please don't leave your comments in spanish (tine, Jess, and Kat) or Italian.

new song.

DUUUUDDDEEEE. So now I am working at sports chalet, and hangar18.  Let me know if you want your piano tuned cuss I still need jobs.

I am taking more classes at cirus next semester!....but I'm not realy THAT excited.